Fed A Copper Spoon...But I Wanted Plastic....

See that middle class never really wanted that. Yea we had a house in the south who remember that? Bout 4-5 acres of that backyard life, but how long we had that till we had to move up. Up to chiraq before it was chiraq windy city really windy met my first bully, no it wasn't silly. "WHERE U GOING WITH MY BIKE?!" What I yelled to that dude in my sight rolling through the buildings real smooth on my bicycle. But you know real soon after that, at least it was real soon...we moved to connecticut. Where somewhat it was better...but.... ahhh. I don't feel comfortable not my area and tho I wanna fit in there's another step and then so. We go down to to new Jersey back to the birth B where u don't remember where you from but it's oh familiar. So you were doing good before? Who talks of before?

Why Do I Write...?

Why do I write? Even from a long night; not in bed, tears shed, and no light in my eyes. Insomnia is a vice, but in the end can entice, then persuade and evade the problems i hide. What problems you say? Ive been dealt here a finger, you can call it death from how it sits and lingers. And ive gone through the ringer... The pain, bodies slain and my family left withered. But its god with the tither...wait sorry i mean tether. Up to fate with hate and emotions dealt, then forget my self wealth and also self worth. Wait im better; a person, a future before i cant let the past tore me. Or tear me apart from what i need not, the downships and torment that have ached my heart now. But then again why do i write? Is it the pain on my mind? The stress to say yes to some favors i dont like? But when am i done? When do i stop venting? I cant im presenting my piece to the crowd with opinions just loud! In the end its my work, go critique it yourself. No pain, no shame, with a full bed of health, list the PROS to that CON. Be against that man, dont stand beside that man. Leave him alone, not a bone, not even a can for that man. But here you still stand, the need to triumph in your worth. With your efforts brought forth, you worked hard on this earth i cant knock the souls for that the hard work is in tact. I ask again why i write? This may seem just light, my emotions the core and my words are the might. Words bring the fight, my words bring the pain, my words are the only thing i have to my dismay.

Im Not What You Need...

Im not what you need, im what you want. Just what you want. I cant fill that void you need filled, your emptiness wont stop. You see between us i cannot fulfill your dreams and wishes or lead up to your fulfillment. Its not intentional, the pain is resilient. Now to fight back and forth with the demons so hoarse with them coursing my veins and my body's so worn. I cant rest, i detest what i let myself be. In the mirror i see a mere shell damned to hell just as empty as the reflextion i see. But here is that all i see? A broken man on the earth? Or do i have a chance to voice myself through this orifice here? I wont be damned to this sheath; my own blade on this earth and i refuse to cause harm and keep damaging thee. Im what you want cant you see? Your desire, the fire, that sparks under; see? When your heart skips a beat, was that me in your thoughts? Breaking shell raising hell between your emotions and me. But should we continue and let this slow end you. Again im a want not a need and right down to the tee im a blood sucking leech and ive latched upon you. Its disturbing it true that ive grown to be poisonous and ever so scrupulous to the wants and not needs that've let be. But on the other side, i have to confide. Im a want not a need in your life so let be! Honestly you should see; you need better, deserve those letters, hugs affection whats owed unto thee. What you need in your life is what will last on this earth and with you its true so dont feel so blue, i dont last long regardless. Even when i tell truth, fighting with nail and tooth from inside i confide in you. But i also see too, i cant be with you. From the count its three times that ive said the point line, i must not repeat again this repetitive line. I want to just leave you the pain is all dealt... The feelings no healing and looks to ones self. I do this for the better and then with these two letters... I need U more than U need I And U want I...but dont need these negative wants from what U need before your eyes.

Cant...But We Got A Problem...

Cant do this, i cant mean this, i cannot deep down be breathing this. From the air to my nose from my thoughts to this tome. I cant help think the fact that im wrong, cant go home! I cant think of the end, i cant think of my bed its not over not done not forgotten again. But cant think of past's been or when i have been I cant turn i cant swerve i cant bend then again. But can i ammend? Can i fix things? Can i bring rain to the drought And bring hope down to nothing? But you see here comes a problem, and its unsolveable. The rift between us has been so responsible, for the insurmountable, trouble that has come forth and begun and stabbed forth. To heart deep on me and has deepened on me, oh god cant you see?! The hatred and pain that has forsaken me! I cant help myself now i am talking aloud i am by myself speaking; its my own voice now. I am alone to the shudder of mine own and none other. I am by myself here, dont stop please dont stutter.

Earthworm Jim

BANG!....BANG AGAIN! Now ya dead i can see your head but where are ya brains? Thinking beneath the grain in this bitch...how that soil taste ya lil bitch? Do me a favor for me if you think to recognize my homie earthworm jim in that shit...tell him hi. Cuz i cant tell you bye i already said twice, i was tryna be nice now i cant get the ice theres no point theres no choice you have no mouth or voice. But back to the start; my first part. Why did you come for me from the start? You knew i loved her, nothing above her, but you betrayed my trust all for some lust dawg. Other girls i never hogged. But mine was mine, that one of a kind, that hard to find that diamond in the rough. I wouldve said needle ina haystack but i cant say that needles in a pile of hay is hard to search for AND its wack. The better thing to say is find it in between some street cracks next to the flower blossoming in between the train tracks. But hey why would i say that? Hope is measured different under different pretences that dont pertain to you, that dont refrain from you to be the best you can be, for you to look see. Sorry, im getting off track back to the one i call HORSE! you betray me you slay me you sleep with my wife and go on to degrade me. You think id forgive you? From what is within you? That betrayal, that hate, that disrespect that comes sinful? My brother, no other no blood from mine, but two hearts of one kind. Cant displace or disgrace the bond that we have, because now i cant grasp the ignorance, the arrogance, the pride, so cant last but i cant let this pass. My emotions are high and my patience cant last its the mistrust and disloyalty all between US. I cant refrain or restrain my emotions. Cant hold back for not, or i will then rot and feel more pain than i should but should NOT. But alas heres the hold im letting it go, ive betrayed for the last time and this hold will now go. No ome holds me anymore no emotions no family or loved ones no more. But i wonder some more will earthworm jim enjoy the meal he's given other than the earth's core?

This State...

Can i do this in my state? Can i even stay awake? Can i unbury feelings from yesterday's breath? No we cant talk about death, unless my body is gone but my memory lingers ad last oh forlorn. Then i cant be so torn, therw is only one fate and im acting irate if i cant get my way then what am i? What state am i in? Where am i within, i cant make my mind to the fates that doth spin...their web to the lives of the simple thats sinned. Now back to this state, i cant face this fact, that i dont know that upside downn is my life through the stained looking glass. Will i be straight? Can i just wait for the facts to come through on this late of a date. But its tearig apart, the facts of reality; now im really mad at me. I cant forgive myself i dont wanna reach insanity, its stressing me out i cant think oh so loud, i cant open my mouth. No words form, feelings torn, can i stand by myself when i was warned? But why did i do that? Go and pursue that? Do dumb shit when i knew what would come from that; now im looking back and regretting everything. But the doctor comes in, the paper in his hands i just hope this is a prank and hear ZING! But the worst is the news an i felt it brew with the time i was waiting. And in myself hating the lump in my throat. Now my eyes have gone ghost as the tears well up and theyre sinking my boat. The results to my face and he comes to slow pace and says yours wont be the only babyface.

Wait...

This drink goes down and it burns all down my throat, but I dont wince don't blink don't choke. Feel like a pothead inna row smoking dope not passing still sitting lasting but am I sober will I get there? Huh?; nope! Drinking for hours y'all think it's sour, this droozy feeling is me coming down from my tip coming down to quick. If I don't get another shot too soon imma get mad quick. See it bothers me so, like I'm turning to blow but I can't touch the stuff from who I seen go. From the lines to the sacs, then they bagging it back its an unending cycle at going to that. Stay with my addiction, but damn you see friction? Its not easing the tension and its rough and condensing. Thought it was getting worse, oh hey there's a hearse...hold on its not for me I can't handle this work. Wait a minute, wait a smidgen this really can't be I was just at the bar with my drink happily. Did I black out? I thought I was home, with my pants on the floor wallet next to my phone. Now if this was a dream then how can I see myself looking down at myself and admiring me. Or him? But wait I thought I was looking at me? Aren't I peaceful laying under a sheath? Wait again, where is this going where am I going? Am I still asleep or watching a vid quick of me? But hey who puts makeup on a guy, I'm on a steel table; why? Can't make out this part of the dream and it doesn't look familiar at all see, why? Hi, I think I got stood up was someone supposed to come meet me? The only time I've seen something like that is on a cold dead body....*pause* Okay, i know im being vague but this is so strange, am i dead? Am i casper? My head feels the same. Its ALIVE!.... No its not they were moving my wrist. Thats all they better move and nothing passing my hips, what is that on my lips? Oh its makeup again... Ive been the only one talking, not a fly not a friend. Is anyone else admiring me? Under the light like that...skin so smooth...sorry the makeup did that. But back to the question ive been kinda down some...am i drunk? Having a dream? Or hallucinating? Hey wait!, is that really me? I thought i was a black guy with braids hair to be, this guy on the table looks real charred to me. He is black i mean but not what i mean, i mean burnt like my toast in the toaster to be eaten by myself see. But i wont eat it all, the toast is too small when i take a bite i miss my fingers; eeek! Hey wait, im getting off track and this is getting wack. Hold on this cant be my awesome body... Those arent my teeth! Thats not me!