amnesia...

I remember the days you told me you wouldn't leave, Also the days the strokes took over and you couldn't feel your face. To feel The pain I'm feeling and tears falling down my face, I can only use the pain of loss to get through my daily struggles. It is of your remembrance that pains, hurts, and holds me back from everything I want to see. So call me guilty if amnesia is the only option I've found to ease my pain so blissfully. You've left your legacy in your children times over with different lives hurt and motivated 10 times over. But even though I want to be stricken with amnesia to forget the hurt I feel, your memory is more than that of a amnesiatic/drunk episode. Your memory is that of a legacy, a start to a finish or ending to a story that hasn't yet been said. There is no ending to what you have started your blood flows on to what was and what is. Your memory is what rings on to who calls you and thinks of you. The only thing is the pain that's felt when the thought is brought on. Amnesia is the only choice to forget the pain, but would you be willing to forget every loving memory for less than 5 seconds of pain?

Where Am I?...

What am I without you? Where am I without thee? If I don't have you there next to my side what do I have next to me? I follow our daily routine, for we used to do the same every fortnight to a tee. Wine drinking to ease our souls, Talks of the days stressors no matter how each gets bold. But when you leave what do I have? What must I do? I have to accommodate to my own schedule and accord. Moving as such as if there is something missing that I cannot afford... What is it? What may it be? Can anyone tell me once I move around maybe people will tell me where it may be... No? You've never seen her? My other half my companion? Then maybe I may not know what is happening. I can't think of who can remember her...I just go back to where we used to hang out and meet. People recognize my name...but can't recognize her and greet. But why it is not a lie I can't go through this pain alone and it won't subside. I loved her and she loved me but wherever I go no one can remember the one but me. I'm not passing to be senile, people give me grievances, also they say I'm sorry and check if I'm in need of things. I can't recall when's the last I've seen her or been and walked with her last.... But I know whatever I remember everyone else does better than I have a days past.

Im Really Not Fine...

Everyday I wake up to your memory for what we had from yesterday and also from yester year see, I follow my same routine my day to day; to follow what we did that day. We may go to lunch we may go out after work, But what about the workout the jogs around the pier and such? I don't want to call this amnesia or forgottence of what was or could've been, but I seem as though I've done this all before with someone else. I've come to this place with someone before...I've come to this bar also...but have I been here by myself? It all seems too familiar but if I sit long enough can I hear her? A movie that I've seen thrice before is what baffles before my eyes, But why do I feel so empty what is missing not out but from the inside... Why do I not feel fine? Why is something missing? I can't put anything on it nor why I can tell whybmy temper is pissing.