Fed A Copper Spoon...But I Wanted Plastic....

See that middle class never really wanted that. Yea we had a house in the south who remember that? Bout 4-5 acres of that backyard life, but how long we had that till we had to move up. Up to chiraq before it was chiraq windy city really windy met my first bully, no it wasn't silly. "WHERE U GOING WITH MY BIKE?!" What I yelled to that dude in my sight rolling through the buildings real smooth on my bicycle. But you know real soon after that, at least it was real soon...we moved to connecticut. Where somewhat it was better...but.... ahhh. I don't feel comfortable not my area and tho I wanna fit in there's another step and then so. We go down to to new Jersey back to the birth B where u don't remember where you from but it's oh familiar. So you were doing good before? Who talks of before?

Why Do I Write...?

Why do I write? Even from a long night; not in bed, tears shed, and no light in my eyes. Insomnia is a vice, but in the end can entice, then persuade and evade the problems i hide. What problems you say? Ive been dealt here a finger, you can call it death from how it sits and lingers. And ive gone through the ringer... The pain, bodies slain and my family left withered. But its god with the tither...wait sorry i mean tether. Up to fate with hate and emotions dealt, then forget my self wealth and also self worth. Wait im better; a person, a future before i cant let the past tore me. Or tear me apart from what i need not, the downships and torment that have ached my heart now. But then again why do i write? Is it the pain on my mind? The stress to say yes to some favors i dont like? But when am i done? When do i stop venting? I cant im presenting my piece to the crowd with opinions just loud! In the end its my work, go critique it yourself. No pain, no shame, with a full bed of health, list the PROS to that CON. Be against that man, dont stand beside that man. Leave him alone, not a bone, not even a can for that man. But here you still stand, the need to triumph in your worth. With your efforts brought forth, you worked hard on this earth i cant knock the souls for that the hard work is in tact. I ask again why i write? This may seem just light, my emotions the core and my words are the might. Words bring the fight, my words bring the pain, my words are the only thing i have to my dismay.

Im Not What You Need...

Im not what you need, im what you want. Just what you want. I cant fill that void you need filled, your emptiness wont stop. You see between us i cannot fulfill your dreams and wishes or lead up to your fulfillment. Its not intentional, the pain is resilient. Now to fight back and forth with the demons so hoarse with them coursing my veins and my body's so worn. I cant rest, i detest what i let myself be. In the mirror i see a mere shell damned to hell just as empty as the reflextion i see. But here is that all i see? A broken man on the earth? Or do i have a chance to voice myself through this orifice here? I wont be damned to this sheath; my own blade on this earth and i refuse to cause harm and keep damaging thee. Im what you want cant you see? Your desire, the fire, that sparks under; see? When your heart skips a beat, was that me in your thoughts? Breaking shell raising hell between your emotions and me. But should we continue and let this slow end you. Again im a want not a need and right down to the tee im a blood sucking leech and ive latched upon you. Its disturbing it true that ive grown to be poisonous and ever so scrupulous to the wants and not needs that've let be. But on the other side, i have to confide. Im a want not a need in your life so let be! Honestly you should see; you need better, deserve those letters, hugs affection whats owed unto thee. What you need in your life is what will last on this earth and with you its true so dont feel so blue, i dont last long regardless. Even when i tell truth, fighting with nail and tooth from inside i confide in you. But i also see too, i cant be with you. From the count its three times that ive said the point line, i must not repeat again this repetitive line. I want to just leave you the pain is all dealt... The feelings no healing and looks to ones self. I do this for the better and then with these two letters... I need U more than U need I And U want I...but dont need these negative wants from what U need before your eyes.

Cant...But We Got A Problem...

Cant do this, i cant mean this, i cannot deep down be breathing this. From the air to my nose from my thoughts to this tome. I cant help think the fact that im wrong, cant go home! I cant think of the end, i cant think of my bed its not over not done not forgotten again. But cant think of past's been or when i have been I cant turn i cant swerve i cant bend then again. But can i ammend? Can i fix things? Can i bring rain to the drought And bring hope down to nothing? But you see here comes a problem, and its unsolveable. The rift between us has been so responsible, for the insurmountable, trouble that has come forth and begun and stabbed forth. To heart deep on me and has deepened on me, oh god cant you see?! The hatred and pain that has forsaken me! I cant help myself now i am talking aloud i am by myself speaking; its my own voice now. I am alone to the shudder of mine own and none other. I am by myself here, dont stop please dont stutter.

Earthworm Jim

BANG!....BANG AGAIN! Now ya dead i can see your head but where are ya brains? Thinking beneath the grain in this bitch...how that soil taste ya lil bitch? Do me a favor for me if you think to recognize my homie earthworm jim in that shit...tell him hi. Cuz i cant tell you bye i already said twice, i was tryna be nice now i cant get the ice theres no point theres no choice you have no mouth or voice. But back to the start; my first part. Why did you come for me from the start? You knew i loved her, nothing above her, but you betrayed my trust all for some lust dawg. Other girls i never hogged. But mine was mine, that one of a kind, that hard to find that diamond in the rough. I wouldve said needle ina haystack but i cant say that needles in a pile of hay is hard to search for AND its wack. The better thing to say is find it in between some street cracks next to the flower blossoming in between the train tracks. But hey why would i say that? Hope is measured different under different pretences that dont pertain to you, that dont refrain from you to be the best you can be, for you to look see. Sorry, im getting off track back to the one i call HORSE! you betray me you slay me you sleep with my wife and go on to degrade me. You think id forgive you? From what is within you? That betrayal, that hate, that disrespect that comes sinful? My brother, no other no blood from mine, but two hearts of one kind. Cant displace or disgrace the bond that we have, because now i cant grasp the ignorance, the arrogance, the pride, so cant last but i cant let this pass. My emotions are high and my patience cant last its the mistrust and disloyalty all between US. I cant refrain or restrain my emotions. Cant hold back for not, or i will then rot and feel more pain than i should but should NOT. But alas heres the hold im letting it go, ive betrayed for the last time and this hold will now go. No ome holds me anymore no emotions no family or loved ones no more. But i wonder some more will earthworm jim enjoy the meal he's given other than the earth's core?

This State...

Can i do this in my state? Can i even stay awake? Can i unbury feelings from yesterday's breath? No we cant talk about death, unless my body is gone but my memory lingers ad last oh forlorn. Then i cant be so torn, therw is only one fate and im acting irate if i cant get my way then what am i? What state am i in? Where am i within, i cant make my mind to the fates that doth spin...their web to the lives of the simple thats sinned. Now back to this state, i cant face this fact, that i dont know that upside downn is my life through the stained looking glass. Will i be straight? Can i just wait for the facts to come through on this late of a date. But its tearig apart, the facts of reality; now im really mad at me. I cant forgive myself i dont wanna reach insanity, its stressing me out i cant think oh so loud, i cant open my mouth. No words form, feelings torn, can i stand by myself when i was warned? But why did i do that? Go and pursue that? Do dumb shit when i knew what would come from that; now im looking back and regretting everything. But the doctor comes in, the paper in his hands i just hope this is a prank and hear ZING! But the worst is the news an i felt it brew with the time i was waiting. And in myself hating the lump in my throat. Now my eyes have gone ghost as the tears well up and theyre sinking my boat. The results to my face and he comes to slow pace and says yours wont be the only babyface.

Wait...

This drink goes down and it burns all down my throat, but I dont wince don't blink don't choke. Feel like a pothead inna row smoking dope not passing still sitting lasting but am I sober will I get there? Huh?; nope! Drinking for hours y'all think it's sour, this droozy feeling is me coming down from my tip coming down to quick. If I don't get another shot too soon imma get mad quick. See it bothers me so, like I'm turning to blow but I can't touch the stuff from who I seen go. From the lines to the sacs, then they bagging it back its an unending cycle at going to that. Stay with my addiction, but damn you see friction? Its not easing the tension and its rough and condensing. Thought it was getting worse, oh hey there's a hearse...hold on its not for me I can't handle this work. Wait a minute, wait a smidgen this really can't be I was just at the bar with my drink happily. Did I black out? I thought I was home, with my pants on the floor wallet next to my phone. Now if this was a dream then how can I see myself looking down at myself and admiring me. Or him? But wait I thought I was looking at me? Aren't I peaceful laying under a sheath? Wait again, where is this going where am I going? Am I still asleep or watching a vid quick of me? But hey who puts makeup on a guy, I'm on a steel table; why? Can't make out this part of the dream and it doesn't look familiar at all see, why? Hi, I think I got stood up was someone supposed to come meet me? The only time I've seen something like that is on a cold dead body....*pause* Okay, i know im being vague but this is so strange, am i dead? Am i casper? My head feels the same. Its ALIVE!.... No its not they were moving my wrist. Thats all they better move and nothing passing my hips, what is that on my lips? Oh its makeup again... Ive been the only one talking, not a fly not a friend. Is anyone else admiring me? Under the light like that...skin so smooth...sorry the makeup did that. But back to the question ive been kinda down some...am i drunk? Having a dream? Or hallucinating? Hey wait!, is that really me? I thought i was a black guy with braids hair to be, this guy on the table looks real charred to me. He is black i mean but not what i mean, i mean burnt like my toast in the toaster to be eaten by myself see. But i wont eat it all, the toast is too small when i take a bite i miss my fingers; eeek! Hey wait, im getting off track and this is getting wack. Hold on this cant be my awesome body... Those arent my teeth! Thats not me!

The Pain I Feel

Through the narrowing sands, through the tight crevases. Down under the stones, that go left uncovered... I cant find my way underground see i dont remember my past or who ive seen or who ive had a relation. the broken glass through the mistakes ive lost and past the burdens ive bared. Oh i think i domt care, but wait is that pain i feel oh i cant bear the touch. Blood is the only way to heal. Oh wait please tell me...is that pain i feel? From the surface gone, i cant tell whats different inside me. The pain or the healing...but what i feel inside is gonna keep eating a nice melancholy feeling is what i should feel inside...but im reaching to high oh no there goes my vein open bleeding. Thought i was fine thought i was sad; no not this time im not mad. But i cant feel my arm....but wait whats wrong im not sure?...my left side has gone numb oh boy...the darkness again less pain im sure.

amnesia...

I remember the days you told me you wouldn't leave, Also the days the strokes took over and you couldn't feel your face. To feel The pain I'm feeling and tears falling down my face, I can only use the pain of loss to get through my daily struggles. It is of your remembrance that pains, hurts, and holds me back from everything I want to see. So call me guilty if amnesia is the only option I've found to ease my pain so blissfully. You've left your legacy in your children times over with different lives hurt and motivated 10 times over. But even though I want to be stricken with amnesia to forget the hurt I feel, your memory is more than that of a amnesiatic/drunk episode. Your memory is that of a legacy, a start to a finish or ending to a story that hasn't yet been said. There is no ending to what you have started your blood flows on to what was and what is. Your memory is what rings on to who calls you and thinks of you. The only thing is the pain that's felt when the thought is brought on. Amnesia is the only choice to forget the pain, but would you be willing to forget every loving memory for less than 5 seconds of pain?

Where Am I?...

What am I without you? Where am I without thee? If I don't have you there next to my side what do I have next to me? I follow our daily routine, for we used to do the same every fortnight to a tee. Wine drinking to ease our souls, Talks of the days stressors no matter how each gets bold. But when you leave what do I have? What must I do? I have to accommodate to my own schedule and accord. Moving as such as if there is something missing that I cannot afford... What is it? What may it be? Can anyone tell me once I move around maybe people will tell me where it may be... No? You've never seen her? My other half my companion? Then maybe I may not know what is happening. I can't think of who can remember her...I just go back to where we used to hang out and meet. People recognize my name...but can't recognize her and greet. But why it is not a lie I can't go through this pain alone and it won't subside. I loved her and she loved me but wherever I go no one can remember the one but me. I'm not passing to be senile, people give me grievances, also they say I'm sorry and check if I'm in need of things. I can't recall when's the last I've seen her or been and walked with her last.... But I know whatever I remember everyone else does better than I have a days past.

Im Really Not Fine...

Everyday I wake up to your memory for what we had from yesterday and also from yester year see, I follow my same routine my day to day; to follow what we did that day. We may go to lunch we may go out after work, But what about the workout the jogs around the pier and such? I don't want to call this amnesia or forgottence of what was or could've been, but I seem as though I've done this all before with someone else. I've come to this place with someone before...I've come to this bar also...but have I been here by myself? It all seems too familiar but if I sit long enough can I hear her? A movie that I've seen thrice before is what baffles before my eyes, But why do I feel so empty what is missing not out but from the inside... Why do I not feel fine? Why is something missing? I can't put anything on it nor why I can tell whybmy temper is pissing.

Rain.

The Rain is a symbol to some of sadness, but can't it be something different to one you havn't met? Put it in perspective, put your mind somewhere you've never went. Why does the meaning have to be sad? Why can't it be worthwhile? I mean it helps grows flowers, plants, vegetables, and more for you child. See the rain as god's blessing and tears, if they weren't around the world would be barren and clouded with more fear. Appreciate what the world has given you, whether it be rain, sun, and especially food. Within an instant it can be taken quick away from you. Then your life looks bleak more and more to you. And when you turn to pray you find out the truth, within his message are the words right before your eyes. Look at a coin from both sides, its either you have a sunny day or a rainy surprise. But with the bigger picture, aren't you glad you have a coin as long as you're alive?

Run From The Truth

If you're a coward, need a shower Can't stand up for half an hour. Filled with dirt, bunch of hurt, can't clean up yourself or work. Then what are you doing with your life but being a bum that cant work? Running from your problems ain't gonna help the next day, heed what I'm tryna say and move on for more things to say. Cuz if you're not trying to work tryna build up from the dirt, tryna make better of yourself than the next dude thats too hurt, than what you tryna do with your life but sit and watch the next man put in work. You have to get up go and get some bread up, dont rely on people for a bed and a house though. What are you a man? Feeding from a hand? Nibbling from the bottom, being what you can't stand? But oh that's not you? Oh that's not true? Then why you living in the same home you never grew up to? Never really knew nothing to. You all about the chilling every night filling, talking bout what ima do this friday? out feeling. But you got a job? And you tryna rob? Yea you the man that's what people look to, you still alive.

Open Yourself Part 2

Open your heart to hear mine as I recite this rhyme. Darkness has filled the void missing as I haven't healed with time. Night after night, day after day memories of lost gone with the wind to my dismay. Why won't you come back, why can't I be with you? It should've been me it's not fair and no one has a clue! "It'll be okay...they're in a better place now", yea you're an expert that comforts me so much now. Being more negative has pushed me to be meaner, not caring about much and can't change my demeanor. I'll change on my own but why am I saying the word can't? I wake up every night in a cold sweat gasping for air with each pant. Don't want to go through the pain the struggle is too real, again why couldn't it be me. Dear lord, why haven't you taken my life?...because he believed I was doing something right. In his eyes I had the potential to find the light, make him proud to hold me in his hug so tight. So now I stay indifferent, in my own conscious limbo. Until I find a new outlet and motivation, that will bring me up and as a greater person tenfold.

Only When You Need Something.

So I only get a call when you need something. No hi, how's life how you been nothing. "Can I get a C-note? 20 bones? Something?" Talking about your stomach empty and haven't eaten nothing. What I look like a bank or a loan service? Answer this, if me or your drug man died who would you miss? I guess you don't care about debt huh? But if I ask for my shit I'm the dumb one. That's what I get should've learned about nice guys, still feeling sorry donating to some white lies. Oh the rent's getting paid don't worry 'bout it, I guess I didn't need that house I could do without it. Oh here comes the next place, you got the rent yo? I just gave you all my savings what you mean bro? Oh well I guess we don't have anywhere to live now, I don't know what to tell you man don't know what to do or how. Now that's a lesson for the nice guys in the world, being nice gets you inches rather than the miles you want. But gets the people that take advantage false pretenses and thoughts. Like they're really doing something or successful themselves but really you were the rock they stepped on to get where THEY wanted in wealth. But the point of this ramble is to teach to some few, that your pockets can stay selfish to the demands of the wrong few.

My Angel...

Through the wool of sheep's skin,
Terror lies within.
For the world must have sin, so balance can begin.

Some confusion and tension, but don't forget to mention agitation and frustration along with a kind soul ripe for the taking.
Untouched and undark, oh so pure with bright locks picture her as you do your savior.
Steal your heart and what you've got,
then leave you to rot, her deception is of the worst grudge to hold.
She bids adew and farewell to you as you lay in your pitiful hole.
Then you dig in your pockets like a furious mole, only to find that it is of his wallet she stole.
Through the whims of the crowd,
children screaming aloud he rushes through to find the white maiden.
He comes to some paths, but then alas, will he pick the straight or the jaded.
The man uses his nose to the scent of her rose and the path indeed shall be the jaded.
Reaching the end of the path comes a clearing so vast as a white angel kneels in the center.
Walking closely towards her he spots his belonging calmly sitting beneath her.
Her face is shrouded with hair, golden locks here and there.
She then reaches and hands him his wallet, as she looks up and reveals her face a sudden shock his body takes as he recognizes who kneels before him.
It is his old darling wife who had passed on to the next life but how could seeing her be a reality?
He stutters to talk, while his mind races and stops, then ponders damn near insanity.
Before a word forms, she says," I know, don't try to say more," as she thrusts the wallet into his hands.
Tears well up in his eyes; as he wipes them goodbye,
And so does the sight of his angel.

The Man as a Statue

The person who cannot feel cannot touch,
He cannot write nor make complex words as such.
Cannot feel the simplicity of a soft winter’s kiss,
He also cannot feel what he is doing whether he hurts an individual or not.
The future is that of a cold and frozen one if actions continue like this,
Past is past if actions begin to make achievements of yesterday forgotten.
Nostalgic and ever empty through the hardships of future’s anticipation,
This is how a man should be, expressionless in the face of anguish and un-moving in the agony of defeat.
With the man as a statue he lets no other’s sword cleave damage onto himself,
That would down the road never be mended by his actions.

Drown in the Tears of Imagination

Through the eyes of a cat,
through the nose of a knob
let the drink taste so sweet as your height takes a fall.
Eat the treat and now know as your eyes pass your nose that your height is seven now feet tall.
Tears drop, water rises, drink again, let your eyes squint,
because you now swim through an ocean of tears.
But fear not, take a shot listen clear, but listen NOT to the story of Tweedledum, Tweedledee.
As you let themselves be, you now look to see gossiping flowers as if they had soul,
after a while of their singing and constantly ringing you find their personalities as a troll's.
Stumble upon a caterpillar, he smokes vowels hither and thither.
Get him angry and watch change, the smoke is to blame but so beautiful his transformation is.
Shroom on the left or the right, pick correct height or short spite
You bite right as your head's in the clouds.
You anger birds with your deep slurs so you must now concur to eat the left side of the shroom,
Oh joy now you're to your size now get up and now rise because for now the scary queen nears.
*GASP*...You wake from your dream but it still so seems that everything felt oh so real,
the depths of your pocket you seem to find a locket tied with it a rabbit's tight foot...
But in the other pocket's no locket, it's small so don't drop it....
it's the piece of a tiny mushroom.

Open Yourself

Open Your Ears And Hear This Truth,
Open Your Mouth And Eat These Lies.
Point Out The Fact From Fiction
And Belch Reality From Inside.
Poison Minds With Imagination
Corrupt Truth With Fiction.
Which Side Of The Coin Is Honest,
Which Side Has Less Damage Stricken?
Open Yourself To My Words Hear Me As I Speak Soft
Rock Like a Steady Boat , And Don't Pause For Alarm.
Listen Intently, And Watch Me Present Thee
As A Corrupt And Putrid Individual.
Now Open Your Fears And Let Me Now Hear
What It Is That Makes You Tick Tock.
Run Closely, Run Rampant, Run Short, Or Run Stamping
To The Endless Confusion Of Mind.
Now Go Eat Till You're Fill And Let Me Now Fill Your Mind
With Truth Of The World.

Feel Me

Feel my heartbeat through our kiss,
Such sweet emotion is of great bliss.
I touch your skin, I feel your soul
As my touch pierces as if cold.
Hold my hand and touch my heart
Never let go,..never be apart.
Through my words hear my mind,
Look into my eyes love is what you'll find.
So feel my love, it is so true
My endless love given by few.
Feel my heartbeat through our kiss,
Feel my soul through our touch,
Hear my thoughts through these words,
And always remember what you heard.
Because my love is eternal, it's straight from my heart
Always know this we'll never be apart.