Where Am I?...

What am I without you? Where am I without thee? If I don't have you there next to my side what do I have next to me? I follow our daily routine, for we used to do the same every fortnight to a tee. Wine drinking to ease our souls, Talks of the days stressors no matter how each gets bold. But when you leave what do I have? What must I do? I have to accommodate to my own schedule and accord. Moving as such as if there is something missing that I cannot afford... What is it? What may it be? Can anyone tell me once I move around maybe people will tell me where it may be... No? You've never seen her? My other half my companion? Then maybe I may not know what is happening. I can't think of who can remember her...I just go back to where we used to hang out and meet. People recognize my name...but can't recognize her and greet. But why it is not a lie I can't go through this pain alone and it won't subside. I loved her and she loved me but wherever I go no one can remember the one but me. I'm not passing to be senile, people give me grievances, also they say I'm sorry and check if I'm in need of things. I can't recall when's the last I've seen her or been and walked with her last.... But I know whatever I remember everyone else does better than I have a days past.

Im Really Not Fine...

Everyday I wake up to your memory for what we had from yesterday and also from yester year see, I follow my same routine my day to day; to follow what we did that day. We may go to lunch we may go out after work, But what about the workout the jogs around the pier and such? I don't want to call this amnesia or forgottence of what was or could've been, but I seem as though I've done this all before with someone else. I've come to this place with someone before...I've come to this bar also...but have I been here by myself? It all seems too familiar but if I sit long enough can I hear her? A movie that I've seen thrice before is what baffles before my eyes, But why do I feel so empty what is missing not out but from the inside... Why do I not feel fine? Why is something missing? I can't put anything on it nor why I can tell whybmy temper is pissing.

Rain.

The Rain is a symbol to some of sadness, but can't it be something different to one you havn't met? Put it in perspective, put your mind somewhere you've never went. Why does the meaning have to be sad? Why can't it be worthwhile? I mean it helps grows flowers, plants, vegetables, and more for you child. See the rain as god's blessing and tears, if they weren't around the world would be barren and clouded with more fear. Appreciate what the world has given you, whether it be rain, sun, and especially food. Within an instant it can be taken quick away from you. Then your life looks bleak more and more to you. And when you turn to pray you find out the truth, within his message are the words right before your eyes. Look at a coin from both sides, its either you have a sunny day or a rainy surprise. But with the bigger picture, aren't you glad you have a coin as long as you're alive?

Run From The Truth

If you're a coward, need a shower Can't stand up for half an hour. Filled with dirt, bunch of hurt, can't clean up yourself or work. Then what are you doing with your life but being a bum that cant work? Running from your problems ain't gonna help the next day, heed what I'm tryna say and move on for more things to say. Cuz if you're not trying to work tryna build up from the dirt, tryna make better of yourself than the next dude thats too hurt, than what you tryna do with your life but sit and watch the next man put in work. You have to get up go and get some bread up, dont rely on people for a bed and a house though. What are you a man? Feeding from a hand? Nibbling from the bottom, being what you can't stand? But oh that's not you? Oh that's not true? Then why you living in the same home you never grew up to? Never really knew nothing to. You all about the chilling every night filling, talking bout what ima do this friday? out feeling. But you got a job? And you tryna rob? Yea you the man that's what people look to, you still alive.

Open Yourself Part 2

Open your heart to hear mine as I recite this rhyme. Darkness has filled the void missing as I haven't healed with time. Night after night, day after day memories of lost gone with the wind to my dismay. Why won't you come back, why can't I be with you? It should've been me it's not fair and no one has a clue! "It'll be okay...they're in a better place now", yea you're an expert that comforts me so much now. Being more negative has pushed me to be meaner, not caring about much and can't change my demeanor. I'll change on my own but why am I saying the word can't? I wake up every night in a cold sweat gasping for air with each pant. Don't want to go through the pain the struggle is too real, again why couldn't it be me. Dear lord, why haven't you taken my life?...because he believed I was doing something right. In his eyes I had the potential to find the light, make him proud to hold me in his hug so tight. So now I stay indifferent, in my own conscious limbo. Until I find a new outlet and motivation, that will bring me up and as a greater person tenfold.

Only When You Need Something.

So I only get a call when you need something. No hi, how's life how you been nothing. "Can I get a C-note? 20 bones? Something?" Talking about your stomach empty and haven't eaten nothing. What I look like a bank or a loan service? Answer this, if me or your drug man died who would you miss? I guess you don't care about debt huh? But if I ask for my shit I'm the dumb one. That's what I get should've learned about nice guys, still feeling sorry donating to some white lies. Oh the rent's getting paid don't worry 'bout it, I guess I didn't need that house I could do without it. Oh here comes the next place, you got the rent yo? I just gave you all my savings what you mean bro? Oh well I guess we don't have anywhere to live now, I don't know what to tell you man don't know what to do or how. Now that's a lesson for the nice guys in the world, being nice gets you inches rather than the miles you want. But gets the people that take advantage false pretenses and thoughts. Like they're really doing something or successful themselves but really you were the rock they stepped on to get where THEY wanted in wealth. But the point of this ramble is to teach to some few, that your pockets can stay selfish to the demands of the wrong few.

My Angel...

Through the wool of sheep's skin,
Terror lies within.
For the world must have sin, so balance can begin.

Some confusion and tension, but don't forget to mention agitation and frustration along with a kind soul ripe for the taking.
Untouched and undark, oh so pure with bright locks picture her as you do your savior.
Steal your heart and what you've got,
then leave you to rot, her deception is of the worst grudge to hold.
She bids adew and farewell to you as you lay in your pitiful hole.
Then you dig in your pockets like a furious mole, only to find that it is of his wallet she stole.
Through the whims of the crowd,
children screaming aloud he rushes through to find the white maiden.
He comes to some paths, but then alas, will he pick the straight or the jaded.
The man uses his nose to the scent of her rose and the path indeed shall be the jaded.
Reaching the end of the path comes a clearing so vast as a white angel kneels in the center.
Walking closely towards her he spots his belonging calmly sitting beneath her.
Her face is shrouded with hair, golden locks here and there.
She then reaches and hands him his wallet, as she looks up and reveals her face a sudden shock his body takes as he recognizes who kneels before him.
It is his old darling wife who had passed on to the next life but how could seeing her be a reality?
He stutters to talk, while his mind races and stops, then ponders damn near insanity.
Before a word forms, she says," I know, don't try to say more," as she thrusts the wallet into his hands.
Tears well up in his eyes; as he wipes them goodbye,
And so does the sight of his angel.