The Pain I Feel

Through the narrowing sands, through the tight crevases. Down under the stones, that go left uncovered... I cant find my way underground see i dont remember my past or who ive seen or who ive had a relation. the broken glass through the mistakes ive lost and past the burdens ive bared. Oh i think i domt care, but wait is that pain i feel oh i cant bear the touch. Blood is the only way to heal. Oh wait please tell me...is that pain i feel? From the surface gone, i cant tell whats different inside me. The pain or the healing...but what i feel inside is gonna keep eating a nice melancholy feeling is what i should feel inside...but im reaching to high oh no there goes my vein open bleeding. Thought i was fine thought i was sad; no not this time im not mad. But i cant feel my arm....but wait whats wrong im not sure?...my left side has gone numb oh boy...the darkness again less pain im sure.

amnesia...

I remember the days you told me you wouldn't leave, Also the days the strokes took over and you couldn't feel your face. To feel The pain I'm feeling and tears falling down my face, I can only use the pain of loss to get through my daily struggles. It is of your remembrance that pains, hurts, and holds me back from everything I want to see. So call me guilty if amnesia is the only option I've found to ease my pain so blissfully. You've left your legacy in your children times over with different lives hurt and motivated 10 times over. But even though I want to be stricken with amnesia to forget the hurt I feel, your memory is more than that of a amnesiatic/drunk episode. Your memory is that of a legacy, a start to a finish or ending to a story that hasn't yet been said. There is no ending to what you have started your blood flows on to what was and what is. Your memory is what rings on to who calls you and thinks of you. The only thing is the pain that's felt when the thought is brought on. Amnesia is the only choice to forget the pain, but would you be willing to forget every loving memory for less than 5 seconds of pain?

Where Am I?...

What am I without you? Where am I without thee? If I don't have you there next to my side what do I have next to me? I follow our daily routine, for we used to do the same every fortnight to a tee. Wine drinking to ease our souls, Talks of the days stressors no matter how each gets bold. But when you leave what do I have? What must I do? I have to accommodate to my own schedule and accord. Moving as such as if there is something missing that I cannot afford... What is it? What may it be? Can anyone tell me once I move around maybe people will tell me where it may be... No? You've never seen her? My other half my companion? Then maybe I may not know what is happening. I can't think of who can remember her...I just go back to where we used to hang out and meet. People recognize my name...but can't recognize her and greet. But why it is not a lie I can't go through this pain alone and it won't subside. I loved her and she loved me but wherever I go no one can remember the one but me. I'm not passing to be senile, people give me grievances, also they say I'm sorry and check if I'm in need of things. I can't recall when's the last I've seen her or been and walked with her last.... But I know whatever I remember everyone else does better than I have a days past.

Im Really Not Fine...

Everyday I wake up to your memory for what we had from yesterday and also from yester year see, I follow my same routine my day to day; to follow what we did that day. We may go to lunch we may go out after work, But what about the workout the jogs around the pier and such? I don't want to call this amnesia or forgottence of what was or could've been, but I seem as though I've done this all before with someone else. I've come to this place with someone before...I've come to this bar also...but have I been here by myself? It all seems too familiar but if I sit long enough can I hear her? A movie that I've seen thrice before is what baffles before my eyes, But why do I feel so empty what is missing not out but from the inside... Why do I not feel fine? Why is something missing? I can't put anything on it nor why I can tell whybmy temper is pissing.

Rain.

The Rain is a symbol to some of sadness, but can't it be something different to one you havn't met? Put it in perspective, put your mind somewhere you've never went. Why does the meaning have to be sad? Why can't it be worthwhile? I mean it helps grows flowers, plants, vegetables, and more for you child. See the rain as god's blessing and tears, if they weren't around the world would be barren and clouded with more fear. Appreciate what the world has given you, whether it be rain, sun, and especially food. Within an instant it can be taken quick away from you. Then your life looks bleak more and more to you. And when you turn to pray you find out the truth, within his message are the words right before your eyes. Look at a coin from both sides, its either you have a sunny day or a rainy surprise. But with the bigger picture, aren't you glad you have a coin as long as you're alive?

Run From The Truth

If you're a coward, need a shower Can't stand up for half an hour. Filled with dirt, bunch of hurt, can't clean up yourself or work. Then what are you doing with your life but being a bum that cant work? Running from your problems ain't gonna help the next day, heed what I'm tryna say and move on for more things to say. Cuz if you're not trying to work tryna build up from the dirt, tryna make better of yourself than the next dude thats too hurt, than what you tryna do with your life but sit and watch the next man put in work. You have to get up go and get some bread up, dont rely on people for a bed and a house though. What are you a man? Feeding from a hand? Nibbling from the bottom, being what you can't stand? But oh that's not you? Oh that's not true? Then why you living in the same home you never grew up to? Never really knew nothing to. You all about the chilling every night filling, talking bout what ima do this friday? out feeling. But you got a job? And you tryna rob? Yea you the man that's what people look to, you still alive.

Open Yourself Part 2

Open your heart to hear mine as I recite this rhyme. Darkness has filled the void missing as I haven't healed with time. Night after night, day after day memories of lost gone with the wind to my dismay. Why won't you come back, why can't I be with you? It should've been me it's not fair and no one has a clue! "It'll be okay...they're in a better place now", yea you're an expert that comforts me so much now. Being more negative has pushed me to be meaner, not caring about much and can't change my demeanor. I'll change on my own but why am I saying the word can't? I wake up every night in a cold sweat gasping for air with each pant. Don't want to go through the pain the struggle is too real, again why couldn't it be me. Dear lord, why haven't you taken my life?...because he believed I was doing something right. In his eyes I had the potential to find the light, make him proud to hold me in his hug so tight. So now I stay indifferent, in my own conscious limbo. Until I find a new outlet and motivation, that will bring me up and as a greater person tenfold.